The Gene Deep Certainity Called The Life Trap

Kids are the only thing that matter. They're the only reason for this whole man-woman drama!

So everyone is getting married, huh? Even if everyone isn't getting married, some have gotten married or some are about to. And, btw what's with the whole drama, like why is a marriage seen by an individual, as some sort of a fuckin' way to see themselves in a KJo movie? What's with the hourly long, poorly choreographed, eerily cheesily recited romantic lines that people who decided to attend your wedding have to go through? Oh the social media bug is big, it's like every man is his own poor man's version of  Hugh Grant & what not! Hey you got married great! have a great life! make lots of love and lot less babies, but stop pushing it down people's throats. Exaggeration works to a point, that too if you're the heir apparent to the British throne.. If anything, it is just a certificate based on certain superfluous moral values intrinsically cultured into the human mind, of the so called ideal way for a man & woman to live together & have babies & yet be a part of the society, but hey who needs the society?


Well, if the common good has got to make up fairy tales, then it’s not good for anybody.

Conventional wisdom, will always talk off hope! Hope of reconciling with the lost ones, meeting new ones, hope of better life, that you will make more money, known by more people, more important people, make more money, fall in love, be friends, be happy be fulfilled, fuck that! What's fulfillment & how do you define it? A layman would call it happiness, but does it exist? Isn't happiness a moment before you want more happiness? Nothing is ever fulfilled, not until the very end & there is no closure in this world. Nothing is ever over. You see why? What would drive you to live, if you got fulfilled.. so you gotta tell yourself stories that violate every goddamn law of the universe just to get through the day, that tomorrow would be better..ok this happened today, this should cultivate in an even better tomorrow. Where does it stop? Someone rightly mimbled about advertising has got us chasing things, we can do without, by getting out of bed, slogging to make money for someone else & in return be expected to feel gratitude for having got the opportunity.
Not that I am immune to hope. If anything I have hoped more fiercely than some of the other people I know, to know that hope could be the worst thing a man could do unto himself. But then sometimes I feel that, as a human, hope is so deeply sedated into our psyches, like it is inherent & then I will wrap all of mine, in the form of a new travel destination & get moving & I have consider myself lucky enough to have found places & people who could make me want to stay, the places & people I carry in my thoughts. If anything I sure hope I am relieved of that, once there is no more of life is left to be lived. Still I guess, you know you are doing it better, till you can look back at something, eliminate the scope of it being good or bad & say to yourself , alright that was something!

People incapable of guilt usually do have a good time.

History exists, only because we are aware of it. Human consciousness if anything, is an accident when it comes to the process of evolution. See we are trapped in a circle of time. We are stuck in places we don't belong to, trying to find ways to correct the things that shouldn't have been in the first place. See when you hold onto history, you only reduce it to a sadder version of itself. Like one of the subtle things about the Harry Potter series, the resurrection stone, how it could bring back the dead, but the dead would always be sad, because they don't belong to this world. Nostalgia has driven to tears, more people than onions. Our memory records things & depending on their relevancy to us, it assigns them values, based on which it decides which ones to store where & how important is each one of the files. Everyone wears their hunger & haunt in the eyes, gotta be honest about it to themselves though, about what's stored up their, in the locked room or the memory. Nostalgia, it takes us to those memories, acts like the interface, that makes everything that has ever occurred accessible to our present memory. It could result in anything joy, guilt, regret, resentment & worst of all anger. Imagine, if conscious came with a question of having the changes made to the file saved daily, how many of you would choose yes?

Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgements. Everybody judges all the time. Now, you got a problem with that, you’re living wrong.

No one wants to be judgmental, yet we fail to acknowledge the fact, that it is almost humanely impossible to not judge. Our identities, a business's brand, it is all based on what people think of us, about how they judge. It is a different matter though, we develop a cynicism regarding their judgment unless it matches to our own. Imho, the importance of a person's judgment regarding us is often in proportion to the importance of that person to us. Friends & family generally topping the list there. People want to be told so badly as to what to do, they will just listen to anybody. We all have a gene deep certainity of being someone, the idea of a being is deeply ingrained in our minds, whereas everybody is a nobody. Once you're gone, in it's own time the essence of your existence will be gone! There will be nothing left, of you or anybody else around you. If anything play your part in any process and play it like most others won't be able to.

Sometimes I think I’m just not good for people, that it’s not good for them to be around me. I wear ‘em down. They… they get unhappy.

Look, I consider myself a realist but I am open to the possibility of coming across as a pessimist. I can't say anything just to please someone. I can't pretend to smile, I can't pretend to be enjoying a meal when I am not. Like I remember, being at the receiving end of a lecture about doing things with the family & stuff & like how important was it for a human to develop. If anything, man beyond a certain age living with a family can be a bad thing. A family is a good thing, but like most good things we grow used to having them around. Thatswhy family & friends become important, they develop into a comfort zone that could be returned to. But how does one push his boundaries truly unless there is no option of a return. We realize that as human, there are choices at times between no two rights but rather two wrongs, circumstances we can't control, consequences we don't agree with, dreams that are supposed to be just dreams & people who didn't stay. We realize how futile it is to fight certain things & that it would rather just be better to sit there, deep in solitude, accept them & live with them.The best people around you, they will manage to stay one way or the other & those are the people you want around, because the less people you have to deal with, the less shit you have to deal with.

If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of a divine reward then, brother, that person is a piece of shit.

Imagine a world without God! Insane right? So many people having to give up on the idea of one supreme being, the all conquering, omnipotent supernatural caretaker of us, of the world. Wouldn't that be some world, eh? The one who sees, the one who rewards, the one who punishes & the one who delivers justice, bullshit. We fail to help ourselves so many times, yet we believe someone else might. Morality is the way the world expects us to behave, & the world naturally expects you to be afraid of that supernatural being, in a way minding your own actions & understanding their consequences. What I fail to understand, what if the world is full of such people, what about the possibility of them waking up one day ready to accept that god didn't exist? You see, nothing would change, people will do the same thing, they do now, just out in the open. There is no such thing as forgiveness, people just have short memories.


This is a world where nothing is solved. You know, someone once told me time is a flat circle. Everything we’ve ever done or will do, we’re gonna do over and over and over again..
 --Rustin Spencer Cohle (True Detective)

The Scary Night!!

  As the stars I watch
  Disappear behind the eyes so teary,
  I wonder what went wrong,
  On a night so scary!

  As the gods abandon me,
  And the smile becomes a rarity,
  And so do the demons dance with me,
  On a night so scary!

  As the hope vanishes with the smoke,
  Behind the blinds so breezy,
  And my doubts conquer me,
  On a night so scary!

  As the things I feared,
  Have all paved way to reality,
  And my nightmares haunt me,
  On a night so scary!

  As the moments we created,
  Become memories so hazy,
  I wonder what went wrong,
  On a night so scary!

The Sense of Purpose vs The Sense of Deja Vu

Funny I should write this post today,a day before my third attempt at MICAT,the entrance exam for MICA,India's premier institute for Communications Management.I vividly remember 10th April,2012,having cleared MICAT that year it was a day before my GEPI.Today i.e.,1st March 2014,is a lot like that day.Almost two years have passed since that ill fated day when I was eliminated & told to go back home.These two years have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride.Since that day,I have often been lost in a trance wondering,how in the heaven's name could I improve myself & in this pursuit I gave it a shot again in 2013,failing to clear MICAT itself.

Since the morning I have been trying hard to get my mind off it,but let's admit when you give three years of your life to something it is almost impossible to shut your mind from thinking about it.Right now I am sitting quietly in my room,venting out my heart in this blogpost,in an attempt to ease my nerves.Nerves have been my biggest enemy till date,if not for nerves I might as well have been passing out of MICA this year.But anyways,most of the time I try not to think about it,today is an exception.I have told my brother to pretend I am not even at home,for I want to be left alone with my thoughts.I am glad my phone hasn't rung much since the morning for today is not the day I would want to talk to more than a couple of important people in my life,so incase you are reading this blogpost & also wondering why I haven't been replying to your calls & messages,please don't take it personally.As soon as I get done with it,I will respond back.

There is no denying I do want to clear it this time.Though most of the time I don't think about them,but today those two subsequent failures are back to haunting me.The sense of deja vu has gripped me since I woke up this morning.And then there is this sense of purpose too,which is playing at the back of my mind,telling me again & again that I have what it takes to clear this hurdle & do well.It also tells me,that even if I do not clear it,it won't be such a bad thing.Last two years are a prove of that,for there is no denying that I have lived the kind of life I always wanted,pursuing marketing for a living,travelling across the length & breadth of this country,picking up new experiences,developing a taste for whisky,meeting wonderful people,etc etc.So not much is lost eitherways.

Both are like boxers,landing blow to eachother & yet occupying my mind equally.I know its been only half the day till now & the next half will meander along pretty slowly.Fear grips me at times owing to past two years,but in the next minute I feel a hope as thoughts of spending next two years at MICA rush to my mind.It's a strange concoction.I don't want to think how the paper will be.I don't want to think whether I will be able to manage writing in a mere 35 minutes for I have always been a slow writer.Neither do I want to think about how it is going to be in the following days provided I manage to clear it again.

I think I will probably go to Chwringhee in the evening & order my favourite egg chicken roll.That ought to keep my spirits up.Maybe watch a couple of episodes of friends,enjoy Chandler whining all the time.Tomorrow irrespective of how it goes,I am going to come back home,enjoy India vs Pakistan match & will go out in the evening & toast myself my favourite whisky.One thing is for sure,tomorrow is a day I want things to shape up like I want them to be more than anyother day.Hopefully when the clock strikes 9AM tomorrow hope will overcome fear.Hopefully there is something happy to follow up in this post in the coming days.Hopefully sense of purpose will have it's way & the purpose of doing this since three years will be accomplished.

Anyways that's enough catharsis,you all go to doing what you were.Cheerio.

Let's Put The Child Back In Childhood!

"Raju bhencho,ek kaam dhang se nahi hota tujhse!
Tere baap ko main paise nahi dunga is baar.
Aane de bhencho ko paise maangne.
Yeh saaf kaun karega tera bhencho baap ya tu?
Ruk abhi batata hu tujhe bhencho."

Oh wait that's not me,not even with the blatant use of  bhencho making it pretty irrelevant by the 3rd time itself.These were the rants of my neighbour disturbing my ever so peaceful third rerun of Suits,at 01AM in the night..almost a couple hours after most of the world goes to the bed.A little startled & a lot more annoyed,I opened the door to see what had exactly transpired.Ah, Mr.Chadha who seems to have lost his fuse was the one shouting on his domestic help,a 10 year old(not sure) boy.The poor kid seems to have dropped a bottle of beer while unloading it from the Chadha's car.By the look of it,I could notice the two missing bottles from the crate had gone to Chadha's head.Not done with the bhencho laden rants,he seems to be in some sort of a struggle trying to pull his belt out from his 46" tummy,with the belt refusing to come out after being made to stretch out of it's wish to keep his pants in their place.

I had a sick feeling, Chadha wanted to beat the shit out of his servant,who btw was already being made to pick up glass pieces by his bare hand & should have picked up a rather sharp piece & poked Chadha's tummy with it,instead of cleaning it all up.Alas the belt gave up in comparison to Chadha's strength & came off.A couple of other doors seemed to have opened as well,but they seemed to have shut as quickly too.

Now to put it in a slow motion,Chadha wraps some part of the belt around his fist,moves his fist in an upward motion,pulls it down with all his strength..some part of the belt wrapped around his wrist,rest waiting to dish out the punishment to the back of the poor kid & suddenly out of nowhere Batman appears,holds the belt in his hand & kicks Chadha in his nuts.Ok last part doesn't sound right & since I am a lesser being than batman,I had only my high pitched voice to use as a weapon & shout
"Uncle,ruk jao."Chadha startled a little,looked towards me & passes out a sheepish grin.

"Arre sorry beta ji,aapki neend toh nahi distrub kardi?",poor Chadha's shameless reply.

"Kya kar rahe hain uncle,bacha hai?itni raat ko shor macha rahe ho!"
"Sorry beta ji,lekin yeh aajkal k naukar kaam chor hote hain,inse kuch nahi hota aur pagaad k time muh khul jaate hain."
"Woh crate halka nahi hota uncle,agar hota toh shayad aap khud hi rakh lete,aur ek beer k liye ise belt se maaroge,baat ko samjha karo kisi ne complaint kardi toh befaaltu mein police k phatte plus naam kharaab."(Piece of advice:never argue & infuriate a sloshed mind,always pour seeds of doubts to knock some sense in it.)
Chadha,shocked & little wary of a police complaint.He looked at his servant,let out a little rant & ordered him to go inside.Guess if not much I managed to thwart off one night's abuse for the poor kid.

I have often wondered,what poor parents subject their kids to in order to make a few bucks more in their bid to make the ends meet & I have often found it difficult to decide whom to blame.Raju,away from his parents,away from his friends,lack of proper education,an abusive master,master's family of 4 all trying to get their chores done by the little kid & then one mistake & he is abused why because he isn't their own blood after all,eventhough he makes sure his master gets a clean toilet to pee in & an even neater bed to sleep in.

Amidst all this,I feel sorry for the fact that Raju may never get to live a normal childhood but what I am even more sorry for is the fact that people who have employed them aren't some uneducated illiterate folk lacking in the sense to decide what's wrong or right but rather people who booze around in high society get-togethers glittering in gold & basking in money.Ignorance can be a bliss,yes if I choose to ignore it,yet,ignorance can be a bane too & right now Mr Chadha's ignorance is becoming Raju's bane.

I have seen kids being employed at houses,dhabas,factories and where not & have often wondered a way to help restore their childhoods.Trust me,it has been a hollow helpless feeling everytime.I know we have got laws & all those child abuse & protection ngos & so much more & without saying what I feel for them,I have found so many childhoods being lost.Maybe some day I will find a way to put the child back in those lost childhoods,till then my only point of posting this blogpost is to request everyone who reads it to be aware of their surroundings.Maybe somewhere in the deeper corners of our minds lurks a solution to this problem.

The Nights

It's been some time since we moved away,
Not that I have begun to forget it.
As I grew more into you,
And you grew out of me.
I have missed the laughs,
I have missed the hugs,
I have missed the kisses too,
And the nights when neither wanted to hang up,
Even if there was nothing to say.

There are times when I smile to myself,
Thinking how beautiful the time was.
Then there are moments when anger rushes in,
Making it hard to accept how it is.
Late in the day I lie on my bed,
often writing my thoughts in ink,
But then there were nights you would be with me,
Listening to all the thoughts I had to say.

Those mornings I remember,
Your voice used to wake me.
Evenings spent anxiously in wait,
of the hour when together we were to be.
These shoulders you would lean upon,
And these arms holding you close,
Silent were the nights with none to disturb you and me ,
Quiescence of the dark with its own narrative to say.

But then you took it all away,
As your innocent eyes turned indifferent.
Sometimes my mind often delves into,
What could possibly be(your reasons)!
I have put back my life together,
Honest if I were I wouldn't want you back,
Yet there are times when the heart ponders,
Blessed would have been the nights to have you by my side,
And a story for the future to say.

Punjabis:Busting A Few Myths

Ah finally a topic good enough to write about!

Of late I have often come across all sorts of opinions about Punjabis each one transcending us to a new level of being a stereotype.The fact that  most people judge you even when they know nothing about you never ceases to amaze & disappoint me.I am sure,no matter which part of India you belong to even you must have heard stuff about us & chances are on repetitive hearings you must have started into believing a lot of it too.Well I am here to explain some of that very stuff.

Even before I begin,there will be points in this blog where you might think that I am trying to represent the whole Punjabi community,but the fact of the matter remains I can only draw examples from my own life.So what say?Shall we get cracking?

Myth #1:Punjabi Music Means Yo Yo Honey Singh

Eventhough I am an admirer of his music,doesn't mean that he is the only one who has got the talent to get you grooving & sing in Punjabi at the same time.Yes the man is currently enjoying an unprecedented surge in popularity and being torn away by hypocrites claiming to be feminists,still my playlist includes fine Punjabi songs from a whole plethora of other singers/composers.Punjabi music is a lot more than just one man.Though 8/10 Punjabi songs will always be about love or rather fights over love,yet there is a song for every mood & every swing.Some far outdoing their Hindi counterparts when it comes to lyrics & the music.Some being even labelled as classic "whisky songs".So next time when you ask me whether or not I am listening to Punjabi music esp. the ladies,please don't jump to the conclusion "he must be listening to Honey Singh & thinking of ways to corner me."Sorry but that's just not me.

Myth #2:Punjabis Are All About Showing Off

It goes without saying that this has been the most famous of all myths I have ever come across.Imagine yourself managing to save Rs2.5 lacs & finally being able to buy that Tom Ford suit you have always wanted,in your bid to look like Harvey Specter from Suits.Now honestly tell me what would you want to do with it?Leave it hanging in the almirah & wait for the lustre to wear off or rather jump at the first occasion available & wear it.People always talk about stuff they can't afford & label someone who can ,as a showoff.I mean what's the point in buying a new car if you're not going to drive it around.What's the point in buying a new set of jewellery if you don't wear it at that distant cousin's daughter's marriage.

Yes I am not a fan of people who try to rub it in,in others' face as well.But buying something for yourself,if you're not going to use it to the wish of your heart hardly makes any sense.Yes we do like to celebrate it once in a while.If I ever manage to buy myself a Porsche,hell I will be throwing a party for every friend of mine.To me it is a way of sharing my joy with the people in my life,not because I want to tell them.they can't afford something I can.If you think like that my friend,you really need to look in the mirror & work on your pathetic life.

Myth #3:Punjabis Are Loud Mouthed & Cuss A Lot

To a certain extent this is not entirely untrue.Yes Punjabis tend to be loud people,but it's not like this is something we do deliberately.I personally am a very soft spoken person(or what I like to believe) but tickle my angry bone,you might as well hear me in the other corner of the city.Another thing is with bollywood glorifying the use of a certain Punjabi expletives like ullu da patha & a few others including bhencho,which is Virat Kohli's response to anything when he is not holding a bat in his hand,it doesn't mean we go around walking at home blatantly using them in our conversations.To me it's like more of a spur of the moment thing.If I am calling you a chutiya,it's not because I like using this word,but it's because what best describes what you might have done in that moment.We don't like to hold anything back.I mean come on,what would you prefer,hold stuff in your heart & then die one day with your arm severely paining as your heart goes into attack or rather let someone know what you think of them straight up?I would rather prefer doing anything but not die.Eitherways let's rather hope you would never give me a chance to use the whole range of expletives I know.
Besides I am pretty sure no matter what language you may speak,there must be a few cuss words & chances are there must be an occasion or two,the ones you have regretted using them.

Myth #4:Punjabis Booze & Party All The Time

All of us have seen Vicky Donor & all of us have seen the Punjabis in the movie,boozing insanely in a wedding & then behaving as utter fools.Truth couldn't be far from it.Every Punjabi wedding is held according to strict Hindu rituals & chances are you will find booze in like only 20-25% of Punjabi weddings(not counting the secret parking lot drinking binges).Yes most Punjabi people are jovial by nature & love to shake a leg or a hip.Doesn't mean you will find us at a dance floor or at the bar counter ordering a refill all the time,though most won't allow a chance to go begging.This reminds me I have successfully even managed to stay sober for 50 days in a row on my current sabbatical which is nothing short of an achievement.Yet the point remains,not all Punjabis do this.Some are shy,some like me avoid the dance floor,because honestly while dancing we often tend to look like John Abraham with a Nana Patekar face,making sure no girl in her right mind shall ever talk to us again.We are all for whatever the occasion demands & we generally don't say no to anything positive.

Myth #5:Punjabis Get The Best Looking Brides

There isn't much to say here but everyone around me guarantees me getting a good looking Punjabi bride,hopefully this is more of a fact than a myth.

Myth #5:The Unhealthy Food

And like always I reserve the most touchy-feely topic for the end.Ghee,makhan(butter),oil yes these ingredients form an inseparable part of our cuisine.Add to that the spices we use esp. my favourite black pepper,I wouldn't really call the Punjabi cuisine healthy but that's not the point here.The point is eventhough butter chickens,dal makhnis & shahi paneers will always be wrestling for top honours at any event,it's not like we eat the same stuff everyday.My dinner consists of the humble dal-roti with an occasional addition of rice & my lunches are pretty much the normal subzi-roti in other words ghar ka khaana.Yes when it comes to indulgences,we have a great variety to choose from & perhaps the most scrumptious of desi(native) alternatives at our disposal & they pretty much are the most popular of foods across the country& not just the northern part of India.
The different sort of halwas that form the desserts are pretty much as healthy as a mousse cake or a cadbury's silk bar.What you savour with all the worries of weight & health,we savour without the same worries.Yes we are always more particular about our food than anybody else is,after all what would life be without good food?

Unfortunately this last topic has started giving me the hunger pangs & has made it near impossible to continue,yet before I give my office boy a chance to kill me for staying way past the closing time,I promise I will update this blog whenever I come across a new myth.

Also just one last thing,I am glad I have got a whole bunch of friends from all over India who know me well & have never categorised me into a particular stereotype.

Live & let live,mantra of almost every Punjabi I know.

Satnam Shri Waheguru

From Being 24 to Becoming 25!

25th birthday is like a double-edged sword.On one hand you generally have enough money in your bank account to splurge as much as others want you to,on the other hand the luxury of terming your age as "in early 20s" is all but gone.Anyways I recently had my 25th birthday & from the 24th one to the 25th it had been one hell of a year,a year that taught me much & hence I am back to my habit of sharing my gyaan with the world,OK not so much with the world but a few privileged ones who prefer to read my blog.Enough with the pfaff,allow me to shoot:

1.Past Friends Become A Thing Of Past!
It's true,you have grown up & so has everybody else.Life isn't what you thought it should be.Busy schedules,hitler-y bosses,demanding girlfriends,family expectations,blah blah..the list goes on.One sad part of it being,old friends tend to drift apart.You know it's neither yours nor it is a fault of theirs.Weekends that used to witness binge drinking sessions or driving down to Murthal at 3 in the night to gorge on some butter laden paranthas,are now spent in the beds catching up on the lost sleep of the whole week because of that awful job.Some have romantic commitments to tend to on the weekends,since they know they are soon approaching that "getting married" stage of life.Parents want you to spend time with them,since this is the only time you get to spend at home.Lost amongst all these are those times,when the morning calls meant a cricket match & the evening calls meant a visit to the nearby juice-ki-dukaan,because that's where you would find all the hot chicks.

2.Peer Pressure Hits A New High!
People around you are doing all kinds of crazy things.Some are buying themselves new cars,while you make a transition from the shaving creams to the foam.Bosses expect you to wear suits,since a jean means setting up a bad example for the younger crop.Friends who never had enough money to pay at the theka(wine shop) would agree to meet only at swanky bars.Some have even earnt & saved enough to climb up a ghodi & take the marital plunge.Since I am good at my job,I don't have much of a competition at work(declares shamelessly),but I hate the sight of Chadha da munda offering laddoos to my parents since he has got admission in some US university.

3.Pfaff Will Get You Nowhere!
This is the age,when people expect you to know what you are talking,since you are no more a fresher,silly mistakes are not expected from you anymore.You have seen a lot of world since passing out of that college & hence you are expected to deliver correct words at every opportunity  be it an interview or a client meeting.Think before you speak or the chances are the other person might not think much of you at all.Humor sounds smart,forced humor sounds stupid.

4.World Is No Place For A Hero!
Corruption,bribes,etc are deeply engraved in our system & chances are by now you have had a first hand experience of these things.The outcomes of various negotiations,dealings are often hinged onto a fact how you can satisfy your client.Chances are at first you might hate it to the core & even decide to give it all up but for what's it worth,life is not lived on such excuses.The only way to be in a position to avoid these maladies is to grind your way through them & learn at every step.The world is full of all kinds of people & it's upto you as to what kind you want to become but then not upto you to decide the same for someone else.Put your head down & get the job done or else get kicked on the bum.Choice is yours.

5.The Art Of Conversation!
Last but far from the least,mastering the art of conversation is a must.Talking brings the best out of humans.600Km away from home even an auto-wallah might turn out to be your best friend if only you know how to talk him into taking you at every destination no matter how far in the minimal cost.The accountant might pass your bills without significant cuts if you can bear his nonsense in that tea-break.Your boss might put a good word for you to his boss while your gate-keeper might even keep a bottle of whisky stashed away in his store incase you want to enjoy a drink or two,late at night after the wine shops have closed.Chances are if you do this right,every single person in your life might prove to be useful in some or the other capacity.

That's all folks.I might have ended up sounding preachy(no wonder my friends have started calling me a baba) as I am not naturally comic.But yeah these really are the good-for-nothing-pearls-of-wisdom I have picked up in the past year or so.Time to move on.

The Most Anxious Hour of My Life!

"Son,can you get leave from your work?I am at the Kapoor hospital,not feeling well!Can you come?"
On the other side of the call is my old man.Considering the importance he gives to his work & mine as well,this has to be something really serious if he has asked me to see him.
"Ofcourse dad,I will be there in few minutes."

35 Minutes later:

On one bed in the emergency lay my dad,grimacing with pain in his shoulder & arm.The nurse carefully applying some kind of jelly on his chest & then putting on an ECG machine.Upon seeing the graph,the doctor present there immediately calls the cardiologist.He tells me there is some problem with my dad's heart.He has no clue what it is,so he has called the cardiologist.He asks a couple of questions regarding my dad's diabetes.Another few minutes of sheer anxiety for me & pain for my father.I had never seen him in a worse state.Trust me he is a tough man,he doesn't really writhes with pain,he has too much ego to show physical pain but today he just can't bear it.The nurse begins to take blood sample from his hand as a silent prayer begins to reverberate in my heart.

10 Minutes later:

The cardiologist has arrived.He sees the ECG & immediately tells me it's a heart-attack.I begin to panic inside.A HEART-ATTACK.It takes a couple of seconds for my mind to register what's happening.I ask him what needs to be done?He says he will need to shift my father for operation.There is a total block in one of his arteries he tells me.I still don't know how to react.I ask him what I should do?He tells me to deposit some initial money while they begin the procedure.I do exactly as told.Meanwhile my mother has arrived as well.Tears glistening down her cheeks upon learning about the truth.I try hard to control my anxiety & keep my left hand on her shoulder while the right one is busy signing the documents & wants the formalities to end soon.This hour--could it be any longer?

15 Minutes later:

We have been called in the Coronary Care Intensive(CCI) Unit.The doctor is explaining that they are trying their level best to revive my father.The operation is supposed to last for another half an hour to one hour,only then they will be able to tell the exact status of my dad's malady.He says hopefully everything should go alright.But do you really think as his son I am considering "hopefully" as an option?No he is my father & eventhough I know as a doctor you will give your best,I want your best to be enough.Enough atleast for next few minutes.Enough to get my father back to his healthy-self.He brings a document  which requires my signatures for it states that if anything goes wrong with my dad the hospital can't be held responsible.He tells me it is for "incase"!INCASE..really?I feel disgusted for a minute.Alas bereft of any options I sign & give him a go ahead.My mother barely able to conceal her tears & right now as the only son present there my job is to be a pillar of support for her.I put the bars on my own demons & begin to wait for some more anxiety filled minutes.

P.S.-Dad is on his way to recovery now.He was discharged from the hospital today.