The Scary Night!!

  As the stars I watch
  Disappear behind the eyes so teary,
  I wonder what went wrong,
  On a night so scary!

  As the gods abandon me,
  And the smile becomes a rarity,
  And so do the demons dance with me,
  On a night so scary!

  As the hope vanishes with the smoke,
  Behind the blinds so breezy,
  And my doubts conquer me,
  On a night so scary!

  As the things I feared,
  Have all paved way to reality,
  And my nightmares haunt me,
  On a night so scary!

  As the moments we created,
  Become memories so hazy,
  I wonder what went wrong,
  On a night so scary!

The Sense of Purpose vs The Sense of Deja Vu

Funny I should write this post today,a day before my third attempt at MICAT,the entrance exam for MICA,India's premier institute for Communications Management.I vividly remember 10th April,2012,having cleared MICAT that year it was a day before my GEPI.Today i.e.,1st March 2014,is a lot like that day.Almost two years have passed since that ill fated day when I was eliminated & told to go back home.These two years have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride.Since that day,I have often been lost in a trance wondering,how in the heaven's name could I improve myself & in this pursuit I gave it a shot again in 2013,failing to clear MICAT itself.

Since the morning I have been trying hard to get my mind off it,but let's admit when you give three years of your life to something it is almost impossible to shut your mind from thinking about it.Right now I am sitting quietly in my room,venting out my heart in this blogpost,in an attempt to ease my nerves.Nerves have been my biggest enemy till date,if not for nerves I might as well have been passing out of MICA this year.But anyways,most of the time I try not to think about it,today is an exception.I have told my brother to pretend I am not even at home,for I want to be left alone with my thoughts.I am glad my phone hasn't rung much since the morning for today is not the day I would want to talk to more than a couple of important people in my life,so incase you are reading this blogpost & also wondering why I haven't been replying to your calls & messages,please don't take it personally.As soon as I get done with it,I will respond back.

There is no denying I do want to clear it this time.Though most of the time I don't think about them,but today those two subsequent failures are back to haunting me.The sense of deja vu has gripped me since I woke up this morning.And then there is this sense of purpose too,which is playing at the back of my mind,telling me again & again that I have what it takes to clear this hurdle & do well.It also tells me,that even if I do not clear it,it won't be such a bad thing.Last two years are a prove of that,for there is no denying that I have lived the kind of life I always wanted,pursuing marketing for a living,travelling across the length & breadth of this country,picking up new experiences,developing a taste for whisky,meeting wonderful people,etc etc.So not much is lost eitherways.

Both are like boxers,landing blow to eachother & yet occupying my mind equally.I know its been only half the day till now & the next half will meander along pretty slowly.Fear grips me at times owing to past two years,but in the next minute I feel a hope as thoughts of spending next two years at MICA rush to my mind.It's a strange concoction.I don't want to think how the paper will be.I don't want to think whether I will be able to manage writing in a mere 35 minutes for I have always been a slow writer.Neither do I want to think about how it is going to be in the following days provided I manage to clear it again.

I think I will probably go to Chwringhee in the evening & order my favourite egg chicken roll.That ought to keep my spirits up.Maybe watch a couple of episodes of friends,enjoy Chandler whining all the time.Tomorrow irrespective of how it goes,I am going to come back home,enjoy India vs Pakistan match & will go out in the evening & toast myself my favourite whisky.One thing is for sure,tomorrow is a day I want things to shape up like I want them to be more than anyother day.Hopefully when the clock strikes 9AM tomorrow hope will overcome fear.Hopefully there is something happy to follow up in this post in the coming days.Hopefully sense of purpose will have it's way & the purpose of doing this since three years will be accomplished.

Anyways that's enough catharsis,you all go to doing what you were.Cheerio.

Let's Put The Child Back In Childhood!

"Raju bhencho,ek kaam dhang se nahi hota tujhse!
Tere baap ko main paise nahi dunga is baar.
Aane de bhencho ko paise maangne.
Yeh saaf kaun karega tera bhencho baap ya tu?
Ruk abhi batata hu tujhe bhencho."

Oh wait that's not me,not even with the blatant use of  bhencho making it pretty irrelevant by the 3rd time itself.These were the rants of my neighbour disturbing my ever so peaceful third rerun of Suits,at 01AM in the night..almost a couple hours after most of the world goes to the bed.A little startled & a lot more annoyed,I opened the door to see what had exactly transpired.Ah, Mr.Chadha who seems to have lost his fuse was the one shouting on his domestic help,a 10 year old(not sure) boy.The poor kid seems to have dropped a bottle of beer while unloading it from the Chadha's car.By the look of it,I could notice the two missing bottles from the crate had gone to Chadha's head.Not done with the bhencho laden rants,he seems to be in some sort of a struggle trying to pull his belt out from his 46" tummy,with the belt refusing to come out after being made to stretch out of it's wish to keep his pants in their place.

I had a sick feeling, Chadha wanted to beat the shit out of his servant,who btw was already being made to pick up glass pieces by his bare hand & should have picked up a rather sharp piece & poked Chadha's tummy with it,instead of cleaning it all up.Alas the belt gave up in comparison to Chadha's strength & came off.A couple of other doors seemed to have opened as well,but they seemed to have shut as quickly too.

Now to put it in a slow motion,Chadha wraps some part of the belt around his fist,moves his fist in an upward motion,pulls it down with all his strength..some part of the belt wrapped around his wrist,rest waiting to dish out the punishment to the back of the poor kid & suddenly out of nowhere Batman appears,holds the belt in his hand & kicks Chadha in his nuts.Ok last part doesn't sound right & since I am a lesser being than batman,I had only my high pitched voice to use as a weapon & shout
"Uncle,ruk jao."Chadha startled a little,looked towards me & passes out a sheepish grin.

"Arre sorry beta ji,aapki neend toh nahi distrub kardi?",poor Chadha's shameless reply.

"Kya kar rahe hain uncle,bacha hai?itni raat ko shor macha rahe ho!"
"Sorry beta ji,lekin yeh aajkal k naukar kaam chor hote hain,inse kuch nahi hota aur pagaad k time muh khul jaate hain."
"Woh crate halka nahi hota uncle,agar hota toh shayad aap khud hi rakh lete,aur ek beer k liye ise belt se maaroge,baat ko samjha karo kisi ne complaint kardi toh befaaltu mein police k phatte plus naam kharaab."(Piece of advice:never argue & infuriate a sloshed mind,always pour seeds of doubts to knock some sense in it.)
Chadha,shocked & little wary of a police complaint.He looked at his servant,let out a little rant & ordered him to go inside.Guess if not much I managed to thwart off one night's abuse for the poor kid.

I have often wondered,what poor parents subject their kids to in order to make a few bucks more in their bid to make the ends meet & I have often found it difficult to decide whom to blame.Raju,away from his parents,away from his friends,lack of proper education,an abusive master,master's family of 4 all trying to get their chores done by the little kid & then one mistake & he is abused why because he isn't their own blood after all,eventhough he makes sure his master gets a clean toilet to pee in & an even neater bed to sleep in.

Amidst all this,I feel sorry for the fact that Raju may never get to live a normal childhood but what I am even more sorry for is the fact that people who have employed them aren't some uneducated illiterate folk lacking in the sense to decide what's wrong or right but rather people who booze around in high society get-togethers glittering in gold & basking in money.Ignorance can be a bliss,yes if I choose to ignore it,yet,ignorance can be a bane too & right now Mr Chadha's ignorance is becoming Raju's bane.

I have seen kids being employed at houses,dhabas,factories and where not & have often wondered a way to help restore their childhoods.Trust me,it has been a hollow helpless feeling everytime.I know we have got laws & all those child abuse & protection ngos & so much more & without saying what I feel for them,I have found so many childhoods being lost.Maybe some day I will find a way to put the child back in those lost childhoods,till then my only point of posting this blogpost is to request everyone who reads it to be aware of their surroundings.Maybe somewhere in the deeper corners of our minds lurks a solution to this problem.